


Curses!

by Kereea



Series: Perry the Evil-Adjacent Boyfriend [14]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Comedy, Dating, F/M, Humor, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-24 19:55:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22323535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kereea/pseuds/Kereea
Summary: After explaining to their cousins how Ferb broke the Emu Curse, Phineas gets the idea to run a curse-breaking business. Meanwhile, Vanessa and Monty try to set up a date while Candace, Eliza, and Carl try to cover for them, and Perry tries to endure Adrian.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus, Professor Mystery & Peter the Panda (Phineas and Ferb), Vanessa Doofenshmirtz/Monty Monogram
Series: Perry the Evil-Adjacent Boyfriend [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1210503
Comments: 26
Kudos: 319





	Curses!

“So…you have relatives vising and are building a giant…non-evil device?” Carl asked, taking notes while balancing the old agency phone between his shoulder and ear.

“Yeah, the boys want to build a football X-7stadium for their English cousins,” Heinz said. “I’m going to help, it’s a kind of big job after all…anyway, not doing evil for the next couple days while they’re in town, _but_ yes on the big device thing later today when Adrian’s family gets here.”

“All right, since this is short notice, we’re going to need to send agents over to observe anyway…one sec,” Carl said, texting Peter and Mystery on his cell, struggling to juggle it and the clipboard briefly before just putting down the clipboard to text properly. “So, going to see if Mystery’s into it.”

“Oh, yeah, his knowledge of physics would be _great_ , there’s this whole anti-grav, run-on-walls thing going on…” Heinz mused, looking over the boys’ plans. Ferb passed him a new blueprint. “Oh, and there’s going to be an observation deck in the middle, if he and Peter the Panda need to stick around and watch us use it too. One, one sec—Ferb, we’re not using _leather_ couches. I don’t care what’s in private boxes in stadiums these days, we’re using a cheaper fabric. Yeah, yeah, standard upholstery. _Yes_ you can pick the color—okay, Carl, you still there?”

“Yep. Peter says he reserves the right to ignore any family drama and Mystery wants to know if he needs to bring any tools,” Carl said, checking his texts.

“Yep, tell Mystery to bring his usual stuff, it all sounds good, see them soon,” Heinz said, hanging up.

.o.o.o.

“So this is for a family thing?” Mystery asked as Heinz lowered the top of the DEI building to give them enough room to make a soccer stadium.

“Yeah, the boys wanted to make it to surprise their cousins. Thought we’d just get started while Perry gets the Fletchers from the airport,” Heinz said, putting the blueprints out on a table while Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford gathered materials.

“Football X-7?” Mystery asked.

“The never-created invention of Professor Ross E. Forp,” Ferb said.

“He was driven into hiding during anti-palindrome hysteria in the fifties in England,” Phineas added. “So, Dr. D said you know your anti-grav?”

“Pretty well,” Mystery said, smirking.

Peter shrugged and walked over at Candace and Vanessa, asking if they were doing anything since they were hanging out off to the side.

“Nothing!” Candace said. “Girl stuff! Go be a boy, over there!”

Peter raised an eyebrow.

Candace groaned. Vanessa sighed, “It’s _dating_ , okay?”

Peter made an abrupt about-face. Weird soccer stadium beat teen dating drama any day. _Especially_ if this involved Monogram’s kid.

“That was close,” Candace sighed. “So?”

“Okay, anyway, we met up at the coffee shop and he’s so weirdly sweet,” Vanessa said, grinning as the loud noise of construction quickly made it hard for them to be overheard. “And, like, it somehow works on him?”

“That is so cool,” Candace said.

“I know! And he wants me to come up with a place to meet and I was hoping to use the cousins as cover…” Vanessa said.

“Yeah, something tells me Dad and Uncle Perry will be occupied,” Candace said, gesturing at the stadium.

.o.o.o.

“Uncle Adrian!” Phineas cheered as soon as Perry and the Fetchers from across the pond showed up. “Check it out! We made a football X-7 stadium!”

“I shouldn’t have doubted you,” Adrian told a smirking Perry as his kids all whipped out their phones to take pictures.

“Seriously, Uncle A, don’t you read Ferb’s blog?” Candace teased as Perry introduced Heinz and Lucy.

“Lovely to finally meet you, Heinz,” Lucy said, shaking his hand.

“These are our children, Beckham, Pelé, Beckham, Pelé, Beckham, and Eliza—middle name Beckham,” Adrian said.

“Yes, I remember being very confused over Perry’s Christmas shopping list for them,” Heinz said. “Well, you know Phineas, Ferb, and Candace, and this is my daughter Vanessa.”

“Lovely to meet you, dear,” Lucy said, giving Vanessa a light hug.

“Same,” Vanessa said, shrugging.

“And these are our friends Buford, Baljeet, and Isabella! Oh, and Irving. We’re still not sure how he got here,” Phineas admitted. Irving grinned and waved while Buford and Baljeet gave him startled looks.

“And these are our…business associates,” Heinz said. “Mystery and Peter. Mystery helped with the stadium.”

“Why are you wearing a mask?” Adiran asked Mystery.

“…Social anxiety,” Mystery said after a pause.

“I thought you’d be more weirded out by his name being Mystery,” Candace said.

“Oh Candace, dear, people have been naming their kids all kinds of things for ages now,” Lucy said. “I had a classmate named Detective in secondary school.”

“Poor thing. Middle name, Sherlock,” Adrian whispered to Perry. Perry cringed.

“So, I’ll assume you’re up for a rousing game of football?” Beckham the eldest asked Ferb. Ferb gave him a thumbs up. “Capital! I hope you’ve been practicing!”

“I got my touchdowns all planned!” Buford said.

“Wrong football,” Isabella told him.

“We play all the time, except for those months Ferb took off from soccer when he got cursed,” Phineas said.

“Cursed?” Eliza asked.

“Emus ran off with our assistant coach when Ferb had the ball,” Phineas said.

Baljeet nodded “According to him and Mr. Fletcher, it was a _very_ big deal of a curse. Ferb would simply _not_ play again until we broke it.”

“ _The Emu Curse_? However did you break it?” Beckham the Blonde asked.

“Oh, Dr. D figured a Sunday Bonnet is something you can just order online, and we checked local choirs for a boy who could hit an E Flat above High C,” Phineas said. “…Honestly it was kind of weirdly easy. I guess some ancient curses aren’t meant to stand up to the internet and modern mass communication.”

“To be fair, you did let a _very_ lucky third grader earn forty dollars,” Buford said.

“Huh…you think there’s other curses out there with strange cures we could solve?” Beckham the Tallest asked.

“Ferb, I know what we’re gonna do tomorrow!” Phineas said, grinning. “But today: football!”

“Oh yeah! Gonna kick a field goal!” Buford cheered.

Everyone shared a look and decided correcting him again just wasn’t worth the effort.

.o.o.o.

“So you just ran into him again at a coffee shop?” Eliza asked as the girls watched the kids play. “Ooh! This is like a romantic comedy crossed with a spy thriller! _Love_ it!”

“Yeah, we decided to meet in the park tomorrow. Think you can keep Dad and Perry distracted?” Vanessa asked Candace.

“I mean, Uncle Adrian will do that for me. How’s about we say we’re showing Eliza around the park, and she and I play lookout?” Candace asked.

“Oh, perfect!” Vanessa sighed, shooting Monty a text. “Whew. Dating the son of dad’s business enemy is so draining.”

“Please. You haven’t even had a date yet,” Eliza said. “You can’t tell us it’s draining until you’re tripping over multiple alibis.”

Candace and Vanessa gave her confused looks.

“I like my soaps,” Eliza said, shrugging.

.o.o.o.

“Ah, this is quite the contraption! Wall running and everything!” Adrian said as Ferb ran up a wall and did a backflip to steal a ball from Beckham with Glasses.

“Well, it was the boys’ idea. We just helped,” Heinz said. Mystery nodded.

“Dad goes on and on about the things the boys build. He loves Ferb’s blog,” Adrian said.

“Oh, yeah, I mentioned blogging as an outlet to Ferb a while back and he really took to it. It’s also helped his writing, like, his technical writing, _that_ was always fine but his narrative writing was pretty weak and the blog’s helped that,” Heinz said.

Perry noted that Ferb’s teacher last year had also noticed the improvement, and complimented him on it to Heinz and Perry.

“Oh, that’s lovely,” Lucy said. “Our boys aren’t much for writing, technical or narrative. Just not their style. Pelé, the older Pelé, he likes to read poetry, but thinks writing it is too hard. I’ve tried encouraging him, but he’s quite the self-critic.”

“Ooh, that can be hard to get kids over,” Heinz agreed. “So, you have any ideas for before the game tomorrow?”

“Well, I suppose we could make some food to bring…what can we manage to get into the stadium, do you think?” Adrian asked Perry.

Perry shrugged, admitting that the guards at the Danville Soccer Dome were awfully strict.

“They really want you to buy their corndogs. Admittedly, good corndogs as corndogs go, but I’ve had much better bratwurst,” Heinz said.

Ferb did a flip kick, scoring another goal.

“Ah, Lawrence would be so proud of him, eh Perry?” Adrian said. “He’s really been coming out of his shell more, lately, hasn’t he?”

Perry nodded. Ferb had faced some setbacks when he’d lost his father and stepmother, but his friends and new family members had helped him with that. Perry grinned and told Adrian about how Ferb had written a film for the junior film society all about an evil antique dealer out for revenge against them because Lawrence had been his nemesis in life and stopped him from stealing a great artifact. Phineas had been the director.

“Really? Oh, you should play that for us after the game, I’d love to see it!” Lucy said.

“We can watch it over dinner!” Heinz said.

.o.o.o.

“And this is Norm!” Phineas said as he continued showing his cousins around the lab the next morning.

“Hello, I’m Norm!”

“Phineas just said that, yeah,” Pelé the Tallest said. “So, Norm, you into curse breaking?”

“I’m into breaking some moves on the dance floor!” Norm said cheerily. “…I have no curse protocols. I think it’s to prevent me from swearing. So I do not think I will be of any use in that area.”

“Well, we asked,” Phineas said. The boys and their cousins head back downstairs, where Heinz and Lucy were cleaning up after breakfast while Adrian and Heinz tried to get things ready to take to the game.

“Enjoy meeting Norm?” Heinz asked.

“I mean, not every day you meet a robot,” Beckham the Blonde admitted.

“So, what are you kids going to do before the game tonight?” Adrian asked.

“We’re going to set up a curse breaking business in Isabella’s yard! Her dad even offered to be our accountant!” Phineas said.

Adrian and Lucy looked at Heinz and Perry. Perry shrugged.

“Yeah, that’s pretty tame, really. I’ll drive you over after we finishing cleaning up in there,” Heinz said. “Err, wait.” He counted the Fletcher cousins. “Two cars. Perry _and_ I will drive you.”

“We’re going to show Eliza around the park and downtown,” Candace said, leaning into the kitchen. “If you’re driving the boys, we’ll take the bus.”

“Great idea, Candace!” Heinz said, giving her a thumbs up. “Take your phones!”

.o.o.o.

“ _The Ferbtastic Curse Breakers_?” Beckham with Glasses asked.

“What can I say, Ferb’s name lends itself to being an adjective,” Phineas admitted as Mr. Garcia-Shapiro helped them finish setting up their booths. “So, with our rigging, this shouldn’t strain the wifi too much…”

“I’ve got some of my cousins from India linked up, too!” Baljeet said. “Mirriam, Suri, and Dani can’t wait to get in on this!”

“Sweet, it’s a super cousin curse-breaking company!” Phineas said as Ferb waved to Baljeet’s cousins over the video chat.

.o.o.o.

“And… … …go!” Candace said, shoving Vanessa out of the bush they’d been hiding in.

“Surveilling me from inside a bush? Wow, we do run in the same circles,” Monty joked as he caught her.

“Oh, he really is a spy. I may swoon,” Eliza whispered to Candace.

“We should back off a bit, don’t want to be…oof!” Candace hissed as she bumped into Carl, who was hiding in the next bush. “Carl?”

“Candace Flynn?” Carl asked. “…Covering for Vanessa?”

“Covering for Monty?” Candace asked as Eliza nodded. “Oh, Carl, this is my cousin Eliza. Eliza, Carl, Carl, Eliza.”

“Pleasure,” Eliza said, reaching over Candace to shake Carl’s hand. “So…team up?”

“I mean if we work against each other, it blows both our plans, so…yeah,” Carl said.

“Why are you helping Monty, anyway? I mean, Vanessa’s my sister, but you’re just a guy who works for his dad,” Candace said.

“I cover for him, he puts in a good word for me with his dad,” Carl said. “Unpaid Interns have to take whatever we can get.”

“Wait, they don’t pay you? _I thought you were the good guys_!” Candace hissed.

“The what?” Eliza asked.

“ _Nothing_ , let’s just make sure this date goes well,” Candace said quickly.

.o.o.o.

“Oh and here’s the time I beat Lawrence at scoring goals against Perry,” Adrian said, showing Heinz another picture on his laptop. “We had such fun that summer! Here’s where I skipped stones more, too!”

Perry drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch. It was eating him alive not to tell Adrian that Lawrence had _clearly_ flubbed the last few kicks on purpose. Like he always did when going against Adrian.

He’d told Heinz ages ago, but it made being around Adrian complicated, knowing something big about his cousin’s relationship with Lawrence that Adrian himself didn’t know and Lawrence had sadly taken to his grave.

“Adrian really does enjoy his little competitions. The boys don’t have much spirit for it though, outside football,” Lucy told Perry.

Perry nodded. Good for them. A little competition was fine, but sometimes Perry thought Lawrence had over-indulged Adrian’s love of winning.

He hadn’t let Perry win, because Perry had figured it out early in Lawrence getting up to it and glared at Lawrence for a week until he promised not to do it anymore. But he’d never told Adrian because Lawrence liked doing it and Perry had always assumed Lawrence would get around to telling him…

And…now Perry kept listening to Adrian reminisce about competitions he hadn’t _actually_ won, unsure of what to do because _really_ , what would telling Adrian anything actually do other than maybe cause a family rift?

Thankfully, Heinz rescued him from having to listen too long by putting on a video of an old recital of Vanessa’s. Sure, Vanessa would be mortified later, but at least it was a change.

.o.o.o.

“Hm…angry brownies, angry brownies…” Phineas mused as he typed in info for their latest customer. “Looks like they’ll often react well to leaving sweets out. Did you leave someone money?”

“Erm, well, they _did_ unclog my gutters,” Sheila Jorgenson said. “So, yes.”

“Rookie mistake. The fey are often insulted by monetary compensation,” Beckham the Taller sighed, shaking his head. “I recommend cupcakes and an apology note explaining that you didn’t realize you were insulting their honor with the money.”

“Thank you!” the woman said, taking the note Ferb passed her and hurrying off.

Vanessa’s friend Charlie was next.

“Ma thinks she’s cursed,” Charlie explained to Buford and Phineas as he gestured to the middle-aged goth woman beside him. “She broke a mirror.”

“Ah, the classic seven years bad luck, I see, I see,” Buford said, entering it into the computer. “All right, let’s see. The myth seems to have originated from the idea that the mirror’s projection of yourself symbolizes the soul, and thus your soul breaks with the mirror…huh. Neat.”

“Dude!” Charlie hissed as his mother looked even more worried.

“Well, if you ask me, then that means the bad luck is mainly a psychological issue,” Phineas said. “Science really doesn’t have much yes-no proof on soul existence, of course, but the whole ‘representation of the self’ thing does give me some ideas…”

“I think we might want to help her our first,” Pelé the Tallest said.

“Hmmm…try burying the broken mirror to represent that what’s done is done and you’re moving on,” Isabella said, checking through a book Baljeet had brought over. “You can also try wearing silver to ward off evil.”

“Isn’t your favorite necklace silver?” Charlie asked his mother, giving Isabella a thumbs-up.

“It is!” Charlie’s mom said. “Thanks, kids!”

“You’re welcome! Next!” Baljeet called.

“Major Monogram?” Phineas asked in surprise at the next customer. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, boys, things have been a little…odd…around my house lately,” Monogram explained. “So I thought I’d check this out. You know, rule out the supernatural.”

“Cool,” Phineas said. “Well, even if you’re kinda the boss of Uncle Perry and Dr. D’s nemeses, I don’t have a problem. Ferb?”

Ferb gave a thumbs up.

“We’re good. What’s the trouble?” Phineas asked.

“Well, the main issue is that _something_ seems to be increasing my darling wife’s chore load by making more messes. More dirty dishes and more laundry, for some reason. We used to just do it weekly, but now she does it every few days!” Monogram said. “Also, our pay per view bill has movies I never watched on it! And there’s noises in the night too, weird ones!”

“Huh…so what, a poltergeist, you think?” Phineas asked.

“Nowhere near malicious enough,” Beckham the Blond said. “Those boys go big or go home.”

“Huh. Well, maybe if you give us more details,” Phineas said, gesturing for Major Monogram to head over to the “in depth issues” table.

.o.o.o.

“Wow. For being a secret date between two kids from opposite sides of some kind of corporate war, this is so tame,” Eliza commented as she, Candace, and Carl picnicked in the bush while Vanessa and Monty got ice cream.

“I mean, maybe they both want to relax,” Carl said, shrugging.

Candace phone pinged, “Ooh, ooh—oh, phew. False alarm, they’re just checking to see when we need a pickup.”

“…Give them another hour, you think?” Eliza suggested.

“Hour and a half. I’ll text Vanessa, give her a heads-up,” Candace said.

.o.o.o.

“You know, there’s this ice cream stand at the park that’s really good,” Heinz commented as he and Lucy double-checked to make sure the cars were packed. “We could get some and then pick up the girls.”

“What a great idea!” Lucy said.

Perry gave a thumbs up—if Adrian was eating, then he wasn’t talking.

.o.o.o.

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Carl,” Eliza said as they relaxed by the duck pond.

“Oh, likewise. I’m just glad nothing Danville-weird went wrong today…I just jinxed us, didn’t I?” Carl asked the girls ruefully.

“Ya think—Beckham? And Beckham? What are you doing here?” Candace demanded as she spotted her two cousins, Ferb, Phineas, and Burford, who all looked like deer in the headlights to see her.

The five kids all rushed the teens, shoving them into the bushes.

“Phineas Flynn! Ferb Fletcher! Buford Van Stomm! Beckham and Beckham Fletcher!” Candace scolded. “What are you-”

“Candace!” Ferb hissed, tugging her arm to get her attention.

“ _What_?” Candace asked.

Ferb pointed, indicting something outside the other side of the bush. Candace leaned and let out a small “eep!” when she saw Major Monogram, being led around by Baljeet and the two Pelés.

“ _Why_ is he here?” she demanded.

“We’re trying to ritualistically break a bad luck curse!” Phineas explained.

“…In the park,” Eliza said.

“My fault,” Ferb admitted, gesturing to his bagpipes. Which had seemingly been pulled from nowhere.

“Right, right, the park has better acoustics,” Candace sighed.

“You really can’t play bagpipes in an enclosed space,” Beckham the Blonde agreed. 

“Okay, boys. We need a zany scheme to keep Major Monogram away from Vanessa and Monty’s date,” Candace said.

“…Who’s Monty?” Phineas asked after sharing a confused look with Ferb.

“Cool jetpack acrobat guy,” Candace said.

Phineas and Ferb both nodded, easily remembering Monty with that description.

“Wait, he has a jetpack?” Eliza asked. “Okay, if this doesn’t work out, can I have a go at him?”

“Easy, girl,” Candace said. “So, what’s this about a curse?”

“He thinks his house is cursed, but we think he’s just anxious and overthinking things, so we’re giving him a ritual to cause a placebo effect,” Phineas said.

“…You’re tricking him,” Candace said flatly.

“Well, kinda. I mean, of the things he was worried about, only the noises in the night sounded anything curse-ish,” Phineas said, shrugging. “Less bad juju, more normal inconveniences.”

“You’re tricking Major Monogram. Dr. D’s going to love this,” Candace said, shaking her head.

“It’s for a good cause!” Phineas complained.

“Okay…look, the ritual thing should distract him. Phineas and Ferb can say they ran into me, and I’ll distract the major,” Carl said. “You two go run and warn Monty and Vanessa.”

“On it!” Candace said, and she and Eliza charged out of the bush with determination.

“Phineas? Ferb? Where did you go?” Baljeet called.

“Look who we found!” Phineas said, presenting Carl.

“Oh, hello Carl! Enjoying your day off?” Major Monogram asked.

“Yep. Just a lazy day in the park, sir,” Carl said nervously. “So, Phineas said he’s helping you break a curse? That sounds _super_ important, we should totally give it all of our attention.”

“Aw, that’s nice of you, Carl,” Major Monogram said before one of the Pelés hopped up and put a good luck moose hat on his head.

“…You’re welcome, sir,” Carl sighed.

.o.o.o.

“Abort, abort!” Candace said, rushing over to the ice cream stand.

“Whoa, where’ the fire?” Vanessa asked.

“The fire is Monty’s dad and he’s that way,” Eliza said, pointing.

“Oh boy,” Monty said.

“Well, Vanessa, this was great, Candace, other girl, thanks for lookout, I’m jyst going to-”

“VANESSA DOOFENSCHMIRTZ!”

“I’m a dead woman,” Vanessa sighed as Heinz stormed up.

“Hi Dr. D,” Candace said awkwardly as Perry, Adrian, and Lucy followed him. “Uncle Perry. Uncle Adrian…Aunt Lucy…crud.”

“You know the no boys rule!” Heinz scolded.

“Candace gets to have a boy!” Vanessa pointed out.

“Phrasing!” Candace complained.

“You know what I mean!” Vanessa said.

“Well, no secret boys then,” Heinz huffed, glaring at Monty who wisely took a step back.

“Well when you say no boys, of course I’m going to try secret boys!” Vanessa agrued before they were interrupted by bagpipes.

“…what is that?” Heinz asked quietly.

“Phineas and Ferb are doing a ritual to induce the placebo effect in Monty’s dad because Monty’s dad thinks he’s cursed,” Candace explained.

.o.o.o.

“Avanka-ootaka-shambala!” Buford declared, ceremonially smashing a watermelon with a mallet.

“Do you think that did it?” Major Monogram asked as Ferb tried to wipe watermelon off his bagpipes.

“Well, it was kind of an all-purpose cursebreaker since we weren’t sure of the, erm, exact nature of the problem,” Phineas admitted.

“Sir, why do you think you’re cursed?” Carl asked.

“Doreen’s been doing the laundry twice as often! The dishwasher is always full! Noises in the night! And someone’s been ordering movies pay per view way more than usual!” Monogram said.

Carl facepalmed. “Sir, those are all perfectly normal things given _your teenage son just came home from boarding school_.”

“What?” Monogram asked.

“More laundry and dishes because Monty is an additional person in the house. Monty might want to watch a movie now and then and orders one,” Carl said. “Late night noises because teenagers _tend to stay up late_. Sir, you’re not cursed, you have your kid living with you again!”

“I _told_ you the symptoms sounded familiar,” Ferb said to Phineas.

“Hey, the pay per view thing threw me off, we don’t have that,” Phineas said, shrugging.

“Oh. So…you think this is less about bad juju and more about giving a teenager house rules?” Monogram asked.

“…I don’t see how Monty’s supposed to stop making laundry and dirty dishes, but you can probably talk about the noise and buying movies but forgetting to tell you,” Carl sighed. “Maybe get him to pick up a chore here and there.”

“Oh. Oh. _Oh_ ,” Major Monogram said. “…Sorry for this mess, everyone.”

“Eh, we had fun,” Phineas said, shrugging. “So…why don’t you head on home and maybe talk to Mrs. Monogram about this issue?”

“Good point boys! See you later!” Major Monogram said, walking off.

“Whew. Now he will not know Vanessa and Monty are dating!” Baljeet said brightly.

“DID EVERYONE HERE KNOW?”

“Oops,” Baljeet said as Heinz stormed up to Carl.

“It was _not_ my idea!” Carl yelped.

“Wow, how did Monogram miss that?” Phineas wondered as Ferb pulled out his phone. “Yeah, text Candace. The jig is up.”

“No need, he already caught us,” Vanessa sighed as they followed Heinz over to the other. “Nice bagpipes, Ferb.”

Ferb beamed.

“You, take the intern and leave,” Heinz said, pushing Carl over to Monty. “We’ll deal with you later.”

“For Carl’s sake, run,” Vanessa advised.

Monty nodded, picking up Carl and doing so.

“I take it the intern getting involved meant Major Monogram didn’t know either?” Heinz asked Phineas.

Phineas grinned weakly, “Well….we _were_ already doing a thing with him…”

“And you tricked him, which I am so proud of…but over that?” Heinz whined. 

Perry noted Monty was a nice boy, even if he’d messed up by trying to secretly date Vanessa.

“I mean, on the one hand _Vanessa dating_ ,” Heinz said, looking extremely angry. “On the other… _tricking Francis Monogram_. Oh, choices.”

Perry noted they _could_ just ground Vanessa for lying later, like normal parents.

“Oh. Right. Right, we can do that. And shovel talk jetpack boy,” Heinz said. “…You’ll need to get a really big, sharp shovel, okay? I want to scare him, like, a lot.”

Perry asked if that was because Jeremy hadn’t even noticed he was being shovel-talked when Heinz tried it on him.

“Yes! I am threatening a boyfriend of my little girls and I am doing it right!” Heinz said firmly.

Perry shrugged. Monty had it coming if he was going to try a secret date.

He leaned around Heinz and gave Vanessa a thumbs-up before signing that they’d discuss this after the game.

“And you’ll be grounded then too!” Heinz warned her.

“Whew. I’ll take it,” Vanessa said.

“So very grounded!” Heinz said. “Candace—also grounded! But less than Vanessa! You only enabled!”

Candace sighed, but gave a thumbs-up to show she understood.

“…Bit of an odd day, all around,” Adrian said as Phineas and Ferb finished boxing up their ritual components.

“Eh. Pretty normal for Danville, really,” Candace said.

“I should come more often,” Eliza teased.

“You’re also grounded for abetting a forbidden date,” Lucy said.

“Drat,” Eliza muttered.

“After the game,” Adrian amended. “We’re not monsters.”

.o.o.o.

"Oh, by the way, Monty, you need to start picking up some chores around the house," Carl informed him as they continued fleeing the park. "Just a head's up."

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this beastie's finally done! Vanessa and Monty being a known quantity was a requirement before I got into the planned next one, Where's Mystery, or the Second Dimension one, whichever comes first.  
> Poor Major Monogram. No one's letting him in the loop...yet. 
> 
> It is so much harder doing the Fletcher Cousins in writing. Curse their repetitive names!


End file.
